Dropkick Kitty Kins

My Little Brother

2008-12-06T08:38:28Z

My "little brother" Drewski got arrested for murder. It upsets me because he may not have been involved outside of being forced to go along. I present to you below what I know personally and from his mother and grandmother.

The night both Drew and Courtney stayed over here, Ryan, one of the other kids that was arrested called Drew three times before you showed up DEMANDING that I bring Drew back to Apex because, and I quote, "You promised me you'd go with me to kill this fucker."

I told Drew "I'm not taking you back to Apex, this is our sibling time that we don't often and if he really wants to kill someone he needs to man up and do it his damn self without dragging you into it and getting you into trouble you don't need." So he told Ryan the third time he called "I can't come back to Apex dude and if you really want it done then go do it, you don't need me for it." That was the 26th. The kid that was killed went missing on the 27th. Drew was here until 8:30, I took him home and chilled at his house until 10:00.

Thanksgiving Day, during Thanksgiving dinner, Ryan, Aadil and Allegra showed up at his house and demanded that he come with them, pulled him away from his family and his girlfriend Olivia, who we all call ViaVia and when Drew's mum said "Where are you going?" Ryan said "We're going paint-balling." His mom said "Yea right, Drew, what are you doing, your girlfriend is here and it's thanksgiving." and Drew just said "Mom, I have to go..." He was gone for an hour, came home pale, shaky, sweating and visibly upset, locked himself in his room for an hour and then called his Gram up to his room to talk to her, told her everything that happened. His gram told his dad bits of it, his dad called the cops, they showed up and questioned his Gram who told them everything Drew had told her but when they questioned Drew he left out some things he had told his Gram, so they arrested him.

In all probability, Drew left bits out because he is a. trying to protect his friends or, b. the more likely case, is he's leaving out bits so he's not labeled a snitch by the rest of their little clique because he's scared if he rats them out, the rest of the group will catch up to him and either beat him up badly or kill him. the kid's body was found on Allegra's property. They found horse tranquilizers on the ground and in the victim's system, Allegra owns horses. They found zip ties, a plastic trash bag and someone had hit him in the head repeatedly with a hammer and he was very possibly beaten with baseball bats.the various ideas behind motive seem to vary from person to person.

Oleg, another friend of Drew and I's said that they did it because the victim was one of the kids who beat up their homeless friend Tim. What's Drew's Gramma was told was that they did it because the kid, Matt they think it is, slept with Allegra and Allegra is Ryan's girlfriend.

Now, if he slept with Allegra, there are two possible reasons she got in on it and helped. Either this Matt kid raped her and it was revenge, or she cheated on Ryan with him and since everyone seems to be afraid of Ryan he got jealous and said "I'm going to kill him and since you fucked him, you're going to help."

If it's because he raped her, there's a high probability that this Matt kid they think is the victim is the same guy that Drew told me has mental problems and not too long ago stopped taking his meds, broke into an old couple's home, beat the elderly husband and raped the elderly wife. But everything regarding motive is speculation, I won't know more until I'm able to visit Drew in jail or where-ever he's being held and can talk to him and find out what happened out there.

That's everything I know from being present and talking to his Mum.

And for any of you who live in my area and leave me nasty ass comments about Drew and how he's guilty when you don't know a fucking thing about him, the circumstances or what actually happened, you better prepare yourself for the tongue lashing of a lifetime.

Don't talk smack about shit you know nothing about.

Snow - A Love Letter For A Faraway Love.

2008-12-01T02:15:29Z

I wish it would snow. Ever since I first met you, the snow has reminded me of you. Maybe because of the way you shared your coat with me, maybe because when I met you, you sometimes came across as cold, but in reality, you were quite soft.

The last comment is not an insult. Even with your front of not caring and just being a silly twit, perhaps there was simply something about my presence when you’d share your coat with me on the particularly cold mornings that made you, just for the briefest moments, drop your mask and reveal, if only to me, exactly how soft and caring you were.

It kept me from ignoring you. You were attractive, although sometimes annoying and I kept seeing those small flashes that you weren’t really the person on the outside. Which quite desperately made me want to dig until I found the actual you. But the idea at the time, and for a long time, terrified me.

Because I had such an aversion to trusting, well, anyone really. Of course, now that I’ve dug up the real person…and the fake person no longer seems to exist, I find that my dreams and even my idle thoughts are plagued by ideas of being close to you again.

Even if it is only standing in the cold so as to have an excuse to share your coat. That alone would give me the chance to stand against you and be reassured by your solid frame. And to be wrapped up in your strong arms. It would also give me the ability to look up into those beautiful hazel eyes, which seem to have no end to their depth. And to be close to your smell.

I try my best to re-create it in your absence, but sadly, the cologne enough is not the same. “One cannot live on fumes alone, despite how hard they try.” And it does seem so inordinately difficult to live in the absence of your presence. I find that I quite literally count even the minutes when I leave my house, counting how long it will be until I’m home and can at least talk to you again.

It is one of the little things, along with my memory and the phantom of your smell that keep me functioning at all I think. If I didn’t have such things, I think I would simply lie down and die.

I know in my heart that if I should lose you to anything, I would never find another person to love. My heart wouldn’t be able to do it and my mind would constantly spend every second with a veritable stranger comparing everything they did and said to you.

I say stranger because there is no being on this Earth that will ever know me as you do. And there never will be. There will never ever be another soul or body that is solid and steady and nearly infallibly trustworthy. There will never be another with eyes like yours, or a smile like yours. There will never be another with a scent like yours, even if they should wear the exact same cologne.

And there will never be another sweet, perfect half of me that will stand in the snow and cold and share their warmth and their coat with me.

How I wish it would snow.

I really need some help....

2008-10-03T13:53:21Z

My house is going to get taken away from me and my disabled mother on the 13th and it doesn't look like there's anything we can do about it.

The deal is this. On February 13th, my Mum made a payment to the mortgage company. She asked the man that she was speaking to if she needed to make a new payment arrangement and he told her no.

About a week later a letter came in the mail that was dated February 25th on the envelope, but the letter inside was dated for January. The letter said she needed to pay them twice what she had paid on the 13th by the 1st of February. She called them the day we got the letter and tried to make another payment and they wouldn't accept anything less than the total back balance on the mortage.

And they haven't let her pay anything since then either. We have to come up with 10,000 by the 13th to keep them from auctioning off our house.

I am willing to do just about anything but prostitute myself or become little more than a stripper or porn model to raise this money.

Since I am an artist, I'm wanting to take commisions. They wouldn't be cheap, but they would be full color, with backgrounds with as many subjects as desired.

I'm also stooping low enough to beg for scraps...any monetary 'donations' would go a long way to keep me from losing the house I grew up in and ending up homeless.

If you're interested in commissioning me, please send me a private message with what you'd like drawn, or painted, although I do warn you that all my paintings end up as abstracts, and we'll talk prices.

for those of you unfamiliar with my art: http://traditionalblasphemy.deviantart.com

Please guys, I really need some help here.

A Happy Changing Of The Guard

2008-08-09T07:47:32Z

So sometimes it takes a very large loss to realize that what you're losing has been and already was replaced by something ten times better.

My long-standing "best friend" and I had a falling out. I no longer call her my best friend and I imagine she calls me 'that bitch.'

It boiled down to me always being there for her no matter the difficulty it would present me to be there and the favor never being returned.

Like many social vampires, my 'friend' used me up, sucked me dry of everything she needed from me and then, for lack of any better term, turned her back on me like the long list of almost everyone that could be considered a friend.

And in losing that person, two things happened.

1. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off me. I love the girl to death, but always being her rock in the storm without getting the same treatment is exhausting and painful and heavy.

2. It opened my eyes to the fact that literally a block away from me is someone who is not only saying she's willing, but has proved she is willing to go that extra 500 miles for me that I would be willing to go for her.

So in losing a false best friend, I was awakened to the true one standing right in front of my face.

Not that I didn't ALWAYS consider you one of my best friends 'Manda-Kins. But you have now most definitely earned your 'Mei-Mei' stripes and my unswervingly loyalty, even when I know you're wrong ~^.-~

I love you Amanda!!!

Hell Yea

2008-07-24T21:02:52Z

My ass went to Raleigh last night to chill with Courtney and I met her awesome-sauce friend Aaron. A die-hard punk with a BRIGHT ASS PINK mohawk.

He's a doll. He let use him as a pillow at 11 am when I crashed for all of ten minutes after having no sleep at all. We just sat around his living room all night and bullshit.

Dear Sweet Delia

2008-07-19T05:29:35Z

So....how low of a creature do you have to be to first take up with an emotionally frail individual....wait for him to be hundreds of miles away and then fuck around on him with his best friend and not even have the guts to tell him to his face or at least over a proper phone call? And then to go beyond that and rub it in his face that you're living in fairy tale land while he's all alone?

Well guess what, he's not alone. Leave him be. Or I will personally start watching for you, because I live here. And I am more dangerous to your personal health than you can imagine. I am worse than his family. I am worse than every other friend he has or currently possesses. I am your worst nightmare in his best dream. He’s mine and he’s all but forgotten about you and your two-timing, backstabbing little antics.

So do yourself a favor. Don’t pester him, don’t talk to him and don’t try to get in touch with him, because I assure you he has much better things to do with his time home from the military now. Namely me.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret. You were my cheap replacement. And what a cheap one you were. You might look a little like me, but, tsk, not enough and you sure weren’t as good to him as I am, in more ways than one. You have a good day sugar. Say Hi to Jeffie for me. -kiss-

brainofcreation @ 2008-07-11T15:43:00

2008-07-11T19:44:13Z

She has skin like silk
The best of mark leavers
Make the prettiest patterns.

Like a chameleon
You never know just what color she’ll shine
But you know she’ll shine outright.

A pool as fathomless as the sea
The color of honey in sunlight
If you look just right, you can get lost.

She holds herself a fighter
Talks like a general
Scowls like a dictator.

She hides behind that smile
She hides in her own laughter
Hides from most everyone
Behind a cheery disposition.

Behind that paper thin smile
Behind the shallowest of her laughs
She hides in the darkness

Nurses wounds most couldn’t bear
Carries them with her
Won’t let them heal.

“The persistence of loss is a teacher.”
“If I let them go away, I’ll forget what they taught me.”
“If I stitch them up and stop letting them bleed, I’ll die hollow.”

Behind that fighter’s stance
Behind her confident words
Behind that face that warns you you’re in trouble

She gathers her gloom
To feed her
To drive her
To break her.

But in that darkness
There’s always another
Another that learned from the persistence of loss.

Another that’s afraid to let wounds heal
For fear of forgetting how they got them.

And that
Is the creature
That can make her
Or break her.

ughhhh

2008-07-10T20:51:28Z

My monthly mutiny is killing me.

So yea

2008-07-10T04:02:31Z

Much better day today.

I ended up sleeping in Mum's room last night, right up next to her to snuggle her, but I only slept for like...three hours. I woke up at seven and fidgeted around...talked to Kei, ran some errands for Mum....came home...talked to Kei until now, since he's trying to go to sleep....

I laid down to have a short nap and my power went out...I ended up sleeping for five frikkin' hours...

Had a weird discussion with my ex. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy for believing that Kei is the absolute one for me, but I've never been more sure of anything in my life....I know in my heart that my past lifetimes might have been happier if I had given in and gone to him then, I'm sure as hell not going to miss out on him this last lifetime.

And if I died tomorrow, I would wait for him...some would call it haunting...I imagine he would call it company.

Stephy has gone on real life hiatus, apparently her life is just kind of kicking her ass...so I've left her a message to get up with me as to whether or not she still plans to go to Tennesee with me for my birthday present or not. I won't be mad if she can't but...I just need to know so I can plaaaan.

Long and Endevoring

2008-07-09T06:08:13Z

So I had a ridiculously long drawn out talk with Kei....I"ll put the whole log in a cut for those of you interested in reading the whole thing.

[7/7/2008 10:30:14 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I don't want it to be the norm though

[7/7/2008 10:31:02 PM] Kitty Kins says: if it's not one of us that's tied up and not talkative it's the other that's busy or some such. -wry chuckle-

[7/7/2008 10:31:29 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I saw your bulletin

[7/7/2008 10:31:42 PM] Kitty Kins says: hmm?

[7/7/2008 10:32:36 PM] Ciaran Druken says: Sick to death

[7/7/2008 10:32:47 PM] Kitty Kins says: oh

[7/7/2008 10:33:11 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -scoops her up and sits down in a comfy chair with her in his lap, holding her close-
[7/7/2008 10:33:20 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I didn't know you suffered so much

[7/7/2008 10:34:42 PM] Kitty Kins says: -nuzzles him softly-

[7/7/2008 10:36:00 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -nuzzles her back-

[7/7/2008 10:38:11 PM] Kitty Kins says: I've always been fairly good at hiding things that bug me.

[7/7/2008 10:38:27 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -hugs her- you don't have to hide that from me

[7/7/2008 10:38:48 PM] Kitty Kins says: you've got enough to contend with at the moment without adding stuff to it.
[7/7/2008 11:14:22 PM] Kitty Kins says: -sighs heavily and flops over-

[7/7/2008 11:14:30 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -nuzzle-

[7/7/2008 11:15:14 PM] Kitty Kins says: I actually bothered to go fidget with my livejournal...

[7/7/2008 11:15:43 PM] Ciaran Druken says: Oh?

[7/7/2008 11:15:57 PM] Kitty Kins says: yea

[7/7/2008 11:17:23 PM] Ciaran Druken says: How'd it go?

[7/7/2008 11:17:48 PM] Kitty Kins says: -shrugs- I don't think anyone even reads the damn thing

[7/7/2008 11:17:56 PM] Ciaran Druken says: sorry
[7/7/2008 11:22:43 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -nuzzles her softly as he looked to her, grinning a bit- Guess what?
[7/7/2008 11:23:01 PM] Kitty Kins says: what?

[7/7/2008 11:23:03 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I love you

[7/7/2008 11:23:08 PM] Kitty Kins says: love you too

[7/7/2008 11:24:49 PM] Ciaran Druken says: how are your mutinous insides?

[7/7/2008 11:26:46 PM] Kitty Kins says: mutinous.
[7/7/2008 11:26:54 PM] Kitty Kins says: and my brainpan has joined in.

[7/7/2008 11:26:57 PM] Ciaran Druken says: u_u
[7/7/2008 11:27:03 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I wish I could help

[7/7/2008 11:28:26 PM] Kitty Kins says: I'm gonna lay back down, my head is still bugging me.

[7/7/2008 11:28:53 PM] Ciaran Druken says: Alright love, I miss you

[7/7/2008 11:29:06 PM] Kitty Kins says: I miss you too.
[7/7/2008 11:29:24 PM] Kitty Kins says: I'm not going to bed or anything, I just don't want to sit up and stare at the screen anymore.

[7/7/2008 11:30:04 PM] Ciaran Druken says: then get some rest,

[7/7/2008 11:30:15 PM] Kitty Kins says: -sighs-

[7/7/2008 11:30:18 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -snuggles into her so she can sleep easier-

[7/7/2008 11:30:51 PM] Kitty Kins says: I'm not going to sleep goof.
[7/7/2008 11:30:56 PM] Kitty Kins says: sometimes you are so dense lol

[7/7/2008 11:31:02 PM] Ciaran Druken says: oh
[7/7/2008 11:31:10 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -head of wood-

[7/7/2008 11:31:46 PM] Kitty Kins says: don't worry about it...
[7/7/2008 11:31:58 PM] Kitty Kins says: gotta let the dog out anyway

[7/7/2008 11:32:24 PM] Ciaran Druken says: oh

[7/7/2008 11:47:00 PM] Kitty Kins says: i guess i"ll talk to you later or something...love you..

[7/7/2008 11:53:40 PM] Ciaran Druken says: sorry, I was taking out a bag of rubbish
[7/8/2008 12:01:05 AM] Ciaran Druken says: I love you too, -nuzzles her gently before settling in-

[7/8/2008 12:02:44 AM] Kitty Kins says: can i lay down now or do i have to keep typing?

[7/8/2008 12:03:13 AM] Ciaran Druken says: You can lay down, I'm going to do the same. I love you

[7/8/2008 12:03:25 AM] Kitty Kins says: ah.

[7/8/2008 12:07:09 AM] Ciaran Druken says: Good night love

[7/8/2008 12:07:31 AM] Kitty Kins says: yea..
[7/8/2008 12:07:47 AM] Kitty Kins says: I'll talk to you at some point...sleep well.

[7/8/2008 12:08:01 AM] Ciaran Druken says: i will, i hope you can do the same

[7/8/2008 12:08:17 AM] Kitty Kins says: yea
[7/8/2008 12:11:18 AM] Kitty Kins says: I'll see you sometime tomorrow or something, I'm going to go sleep with mum.
[7/8/2008 12:11:26 AM] Kitty Kins says: at least then I'll have some kind of company.

[7/8/2008 12:12:22 AM] Ciaran Druken says: -nod-

[7/8/2008 12:26:52 AM] Kitty Kins says: came back to get my cigarettes. if I stay in there with her at least I have someone I can talk to and I'm not just crying to myself. I'll talk to you tomorrow, hopefully.
[7/8/2008 2:08:05 AM] Kitty Kins says: I don't want you to think I'm mad at you or anything, I just have some stuff that's been kind of bugging me about us recently and it's probably getting to me more right now because of the monthly mutiny and all...but...and it's not just you, it’s Stephy too…I didn’t want to really say anything and make a big deal out of it when it’s probably not something you have much control over and all when you’re already stressed out and have so much that seems to be going wrong…but I really miss you a lot and the longer we’re apart the more and more emotionally fragile I seem to get. I kind of just idle away the time during the day waiting for you to get home so I can talk to you, and I don’t mean like…chatting over an IM I mean actually talk to you, hear your voice and lately, with the weird hours they have you on I don’t even get to chat with you over an IM very much and when I do there’s always something going on, either there’s people over or you’re really focused on WoW or something to unwind, which I can understand because you’re stressed out but…it’s kind of killing me a little. I feel almost like I’m just a background thing of late...it just bugs me that I don’t get to spend as much time really talking to you anymore, it makes me miss you more…and I don’t want to make you feel guilty or anything or like you’re a bad boyfriend or something because you’re not, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you’re my other half, you are the one person I’m meant to be with, you complete me…I just really miss you and wish I could spend more time hearing your voice and talking to you…but I also don’t want to cut in on you hanging out with your friends or playing WoW and stuff because I don’t ever want to make you feel like you’re trapped or being controlled…but it ends up with me just not really knowing what to do…I mean…is it me? Am I just not as interesting anymore or something? I hope not because you’re my raison d’etre, my reason for being…it would be the end of everything I am if I lost you…I’m sorry if I’ve upset you somehow or if I’ve just become boring…I really miss you and I really miss talking to you…I love you.
[7/8/2008 2:10:52 AM] Kitty Kins says: and I'm sorry if I made you feel crappy before you went to bed...it wasn't my intention.
[7/8/2008 3:32:56 AM] Kitty Kins says: I just don't want to not talk to you and end up losing you like Jim lost me...I really don't want to put anymore stress on you, but at the same time, the idea of something little degrading into a huge problem and breaking us up is enough to upset near to tears.

[7/8/2008 10:12:59 AM] Ciaran Druken says: I don't find you boring love, I miss you too, and I love you. It makes me feel somewhat bad because there's alot of stress on your end and I can't be there to atleast give you a good hug and let you fall asleep in my arms. I'm trying to find out a way to pay for my ticket home so I can be with you on your birthday and be with my folks for their aniversary which is a few days after. I know the mutiny makes it harder on you and all but I think the meds they gave me stopped working because they used to make me not feel sad and now they kind of provoke it. I don't want to end up like jim being the wow bot, and I do play it alot, but It's the only thing down here I can pretty much do, I know it's wierd and what not but I can't do any of my old hobbies back home because of safety issues or just not affording them. I'm not upset with you at all, I just wish I could be a better boyfriend to you.
[7/8/2008 3:17:56 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -nuzzle-

[7/8/2008 4:44:04 PM] Kitty Kins says: You're not a bad boyfriend hun...it's just...we're both really stressed right now and I'm sorry to have made you feel like you are...it's really just that I miss you and I miss being able to talk to you like we used to...and I can't really do it today because I've got the migraine from heck...Mum gave me a shot for it....I'm sorry your meds aren't helping you like they should...and it's not weird that you kind of retreat into WoW because...aside from rping like we used to it is about the only thing for you to do down there....but...I need to go lay down...I've been in the back with Mum so she can keep an eye on me...but I'll sleep in here tonight so you can talk to me...even if it's just typing back and forth for awhile...please don't feel like you're a bad boyfriend because you're not, you do everything you can considering the distance and I love you more than life itself I just really miss being able to talk to you is all...

[7/8/2008 4:53:59 PM] Ciaran Druken says: weI miss you too love
[7/8/2008 4:54:13 PM] Ciaran Druken says: We'll will be able to talk tonight

[7/8/2008 4:54:16 PM] Kitty Kins says: ok

[7/8/2008 4:54:30 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I love you
[7/8/2008 4:55:33 PM] Ciaran Druken says: i'll be back later, dentist

[7/8/2008 4:55:41 PM] Kitty Kins says: ok
[7/8/2008 4:55:53 PM] Kitty Kins says: I miss you baby, I love you to death. Be safe
[7/8/2008 7:30:11 PM] Kitty Kins says: My only thing I guess is that I would really like to spend more time talking to you instead of just spending most of the week typing to you and only hearing your voice maybe once or twice for maybe a few minutes here and there.

[7/8/2008 7:38:43 PM] Ciaran Druken says: yeah

[7/8/2008 7:56:58 PM] Kitty Kins says: I get the sensation that this really only bothers me -chuckles weakly-

[7/8/2008 7:57:36 PM] Ciaran Druken says: It does bother me too, I guess I don't show it as much

[7/8/2008 7:58:40 PM] Kitty Kins says: or maybe it's just on a different level of bothersome...
[7/8/2008 8:02:00 PM] Kitty Kins says: it may be that it bothers you but because your friends aren't wrapped up in other things you have something to divert your attention to whereas currently, my good friend is absorbed in her personal life and I seem to have become not important so...all I really have is my mother and it's very apparent to me how little we see of each other of late...so...it bothers me a bit more because really, aside from mum...you're the only thing I have.
[7/8/2008 8:03:41 PM] Kitty Kins says: and little by little even that's getting taken away from me. If I could write lyrics decently I feel like I'd make an excellent blues writer -wry chuckle-

[7/8/2008 8:06:13 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -scoops her up and sits down with her in his lap, nuzzling her softly- I'm sorry love,

[7/8/2008 8:51:45 PM] Kitty Kins says: it's ok...-nuzzles him softly-
[7/8/2008 8:54:24 PM] Kitty Kins says: well, ok, maybe it's not and I just say that because I don't want you to feel bad...and I know this entire thing is making you feel bad and I wish it didn't...I wish I didn't feel so lonely, I wish this wasn't an issue...because you're so good to me it's just...I don't know...circumstances right now...-sighs heavily- I kind of wish I hadn't brought it up.
[7/8/2008 8:55:57 PM] Kitty Kins says: if I hadn't brought it up you wouldn't feel so bad and I could have just as easily kept pretending nothing was wrong...I've trained myself how to do it for years...my big stupid mouth had to say something about it though...
[7/8/2008 8:57:24 PM] Kitty Kins says: and I'm so exhausted today I'm just...half awake...I feel terrible for bringing all this up and making you feel worse when you already have so much going wrong and you're already under so much stress...I feel like a monster for it.
[7/8/2008 8:57:45 PM] Kitty Kins says: I shouldn't have said anything.
[7/8/2008 9:08:25 PM] Kitty Kins says: but the fact of the matter is that I am almost despritely lonely. I miss the sound of your voice and the dumb jokes you make or the comforting things you say to me...they make it seem like you're not so far away from me....I miss just RPing with you too...I haven't rped with anyone in months, literally...I'm lost. I don't know what to do...other than sit here and keep waiting and hoping that instead of chit chatting with this little chat box that I'll be able to really talk to you...I just don't know what to do...I never wanted anyone to have to save me, but...I think...I think maybe I need someone to save me this time...I'm afraid...I'm afraid of losing you and afraid of the quiet and the dark and getting so lost in it that I end up like Moe, end up being someone who's not me.
[7/8/2008 9:11:45 PM] Kitty Kins says: and I wish I could sit here and wait and actually talk this over with you but I can barely stay awake while I'm typing...the medicine for my headache and my cramps is just literally knocking me out...and I'm kind of afraid to keep talking about this because if I start crying again it'll bring the headache back and it's all but gone just now....I know I'm messed up and far from perfect and I know I'm a pain to deal with and that I make everything harder but please...please don't leave me...I won't die if you walk away but I won't live either....

[7/8/2008 9:11:55 PM] Ciaran Druken says: If you'd like to rp we can
[7/8/2008 9:12:54 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I won't walk away
[7/8/2008 9:13:00 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I won't leave
[7/8/2008 9:15:16 PM] Ciaran Druken says: your not a pain either, I love you

[7/8/2008 9:17:25 PM] Kitty Kins says: -curls up around him and snags his hand, trying to stay awake long enough to finish what she's trying to say- please...I know I'm difficult...but...please....I need you...I love you...I'd do anything for you...

[7/8/2008 9:18:11 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I'm not going to leave you love
[7/8/2008 9:18:22 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I love you and I'm here.

[7/8/2008 9:19:22 PM] Kitty Kins says: please don't forget me...don't lose me...-curls up in his lap and wraps her arms around him tightly-

[7/8/2008 9:19:38 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -holds her closely- I'm not going to forget you

[7/8/2008 9:22:15 PM] Kitty Kins says: this is difficult because I'm fading in and out of being awake...but...I mean everything I say...since I found you...I'm afraid of being alone again...if I lose you...I think it might actually kill me...

[7/8/2008 9:23:56 PM] Ciaran Druken says: You won't lose me love,

[7/8/2008 9:24:45 PM] Kitty Kins says: I miss you....

[7/8/2008 9:24:52 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I miss you too.

[7/8/2008 9:25:20 PM] Kitty Kins says: I feel like I'm made out of tissue paper at the moment...part of it is because I'm not well at the moment...

[7/8/2008 9:26:19 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -nuzzles her gently as he held her- I'll find a way to pay for the trip home and it won't be long at all till you see me again and hold me in your arms.

[7/8/2008 9:26:59 PM] Kitty Kins says: Mum says she thinks it would be easier if you drove up like last time...it would be cheaper than a plane ticket..
[7/8/2008 9:27:22 PM] Kitty Kins says: and then we could help you out getting you gas money to get back home and stuff...

[7/8/2008 9:27:52 PM] Ciaran Druken says: true

[7/8/2008 9:28:39 PM] Kitty Kins says: I can't stay awake...I need to go lay back down...but I'm scared to walk away from this...

[7/8/2008 9:29:26 PM] Ciaran Druken says: Love, if you need to lay down, then do so, I'm here, I love you and I'm not going to leave you
[7/8/2008 9:30:39 PM] Kitty Kins says: if I lay down I'm not gonna get back up til sometime tomorrow...

[7/8/2008 9:32:59 PM] Ciaran Druken says: That's fine, I have work in the morning but I'll be off before you know it

[7/8/2008 9:33:53 PM] Kitty Kins says: -crawls up into his lap and rests her head against his shoulder and hangs onto him tightly- Someday I'll figure out what it is about you that strips away all my defenses and makes me so strong around others...I'll figure out what it is about you that makes me reveal the weaker side of myself...

[7/8/2008 9:35:30 PM] Ciaran Druken says: It's because you know you don't have to be strong for me,

[7/8/2008 9:36:02 PM] Kitty Kins says: the part of me only my mother has seen...everyone else just sees the side of me that's solid and strong and has no weakness...but you and her are the ones who see the aftermath of being everyone's rock...you guys see how...frail I am sometimes...

[7/8/2008 9:36:54 PM] Kitty Kins says: But I do have to be strong for you too...there are times when you need me to be a safe harbor for you as much as I sometimes need the same from you...

[7/8/2008 9:37:41 PM] Ciaran Druken says: it is
[7/8/2008 9:38:11 PM] Ciaran Druken says: You give me the strength to weather all the bullshit that work throws at me.

[7/8/2008 9:38:56 PM] Kitty Kins says: I'm sorry I've made such an emotional mess of things the past two days...-fights drifting off against him-

[7/8/2008 9:39:20 PM] Ciaran Druken says: You've not made a mess love.

[7/8/2008 9:39:53 PM] Kitty Kins says: I don't like showing people, even the people I trust with seeing it, that frail side of me...because everyone knows me for being so strong and I feel like...by letting people see that other half of me like I'm letting them down or something.

[7/8/2008 9:44:28 PM] Ciaran Druken says: your not letting me down love,

[7/8/2008 9:44:32 PM] Kitty Kins says: just promise me something before I go off to go to sleep hmm? -lightly runs her fingers through his hair and nuzzles his neck sleepily, drying her eyes with her other hand-

[7/8/2008 9:45:27 PM] Ciaran Druken says: What is it you want?

[7/8/2008 9:45:42 PM] Kitty Kins says: Promise we'll talk to each other more often huh?

[7/8/2008 9:45:50 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I promise

[7/8/2008 9:46:12 PM] Kitty Kins says: and how am I not letting you down...I'm supposed to be your invincible warrior girlfriend...and here I'm so...emotionally fragile...
[7/8/2008 9:46:30 PM] Kitty Kins says: and weirdly insecure..

[7/8/2008 9:46:46 PM] Ciaran Druken says: because, we're mortal

[7/8/2008 9:47:34 PM] Kitty Kins says: but I'm the tough one...or I'm supposed to be...I'm not supposed to get upset and sad and cry.
[7/8/2008 9:48:01 PM] Kitty Kins says: I'm supposed to be the one who takes cares of the people who do get upset and cry...

[7/8/2008 9:48:36 PM] Ciaran Druken says: You can't be imperviouis though, that's what makes us human

[7/8/2008 9:49:12 PM] Kitty Kins says: "and promise me they will never see the tears within our eyes, for although we are men with mortal sins, angels never cry."
[7/8/2008 9:49:42 PM] Kitty Kins says: I've never had a person to lean on when things overwhelm me...other than my mother...
[7/8/2008 9:51:27 PM] Kitty Kins says: but...I'm supposed to be the person for you to lean on when things overwhelm you...I suppose it's part of being together that you're supposed to do the same for me?
[7/8/2008 9:51:54 PM] Kitty Kins says: I don't honestly know...I technically haven't been in a proper relationship before now...

[7/8/2008 9:52:57 PM] Ciaran Druken says: Well I'm here for you to lean on when you need it

[7/8/2008 9:53:38 PM] Kitty Kins says: -nods and frowns slightly- I hate it though..I feel so weak...
[7/8/2008 9:54:49 PM] Kitty Kins says: I was a tomboy growing up...I kind of had it engrained into me early on that even if they're nice to you about it...if you cry in front of the boys they think you're weak and they'll use it against you..

[7/8/2008 9:56:16 PM] Ciaran Druken says: I wouldn't use it against you, and besides, you've seen me cry more than once, in boy terms that makes me a sissy

[7/8/2008 9:56:30 PM] Kitty Kins says: you're not a sissy...
[7/8/2008 9:57:23 PM] Kitty Kins says: you cried when you had to leave me...because it hurt you to leave...you didn't want to go...it didn't make you a sissy in my eyes...it just solidified what I already was thinking.

[7/8/2008 9:59:43 PM] Ciaran Druken says: -nod-

[7/8/2008 10:00:27 PM] Kitty Kins says: that you weren't lying to me when you said you love me...that you weren't just saying it to get close to me and use me like a lot of people would...and when things were so bad and you were going in for that mental health class...Drew and I didn't think you were a sissy for crying then either...we were worried about you because you were hurting and it bugged me more than anything because I couldn't put my arms around you and lean your head against my chest and calm you down and make you feel better...and make you feel that everything would be ok...
[7/8/2008 10:02:36 PM] Kitty Kins says: it bugged me the night you got so drunk you got sick...because I wasn't there where I could take care of you and make you feel a little better...I'm good at that you know...

[7/8/2008 10:03:09 PM] Ciaran Druken says: yeah, I'm great at taking care of drunks myself, half the parties i went to in school I got to in time to play nurse

[7/8/2008 10:03:41 PM] Kitty Kins says: well...when it's one of my friends I'm very sweet to them so you can imagine how I'd treat you...
[7/8/2008 10:04:57 PM] Kitty Kins says: Once I sat up awake all night with Moe-moe...I put a bunch of pillows behind my back and let her lay against me...and she wasn't drunk she was having a bad bout of food poisoning so she was in pain and throwing up and the only way she could sleep comfortably was laying against me...
[7/8/2008 10:08:34 PM] Kitty Kins says: -nuzzles his neck sleepily and sighs softly- I want to stay here and talk to you but I keep falling asleep and almost falling out of my chair...

[7/8/2008 10:09:13 PM] Ciaran Druken says: Get some rest and I'll talk to you when you feel better,

[7/8/2008 10:10:42 PM] Kitty Kins says: -nods slowly and pulls her legs up and wraps them around his waist lightly- I love you...I miss you like Britney Spears misses when she was popular.

But now comes the problem of I can't seem to sleep. I'm dead tired, exhausted...but I can't fucking sleep. I miss him so much it nearly makes me cry, which is more a sign to me that I'm exhausted and I know if I give in and cry over him, that headache will just come back in full force and it'll be another long silent day where I can't hear his voice and keep myself on the saner side of my personality.

All I want is him back in my arms.

Just one kiss, one hug, one decent night's sleep pressed against him, safe and accepted and loved for who and what I am with no strings, no boxes, no cages like I've had to contend with in the past.

No controlling nature at all.

I want my Yeti. I'm breaking and only he can fix me proper.

-grumble-

2008-07-08T03:02:42Z

I've got the headache from hell, the monthly mutiny of my guts and I'm just down. I miss him like crazy...I don't get to talk to him very much anymore...the longer time passes the quieter it seems to get from his end.

Steph got a new girlfriend, Cheri. She seems like a nice lady, but I've only met her once for about a minute and a half. But Steph is pulling her VERY old trick of "I have someone new!" She's gotten like...obsessed with the woman and even though they live together, I never hear from her or see her anymore.

It feels a little like I've just stopped being important. I spend most of my time with Mum and Drew when he can come over...and while I love Drew to death I can only handle a couple of days at a time before he starts to wear on my nerves a little...because he wants to constantly follow me around.

I miss my friends at the club but I haven't felt up to going in a while. And I can never get up with Steph to go because she's never online anymore.

I haven't RPed with anyone in months, not on my boards or over IMs.

I miss rping with Kei...and with Steph....

But they're both so busy, with different things that they don't have the time or something.

He usually plays WoW as soon as he gets home and his computer doesn't like to alt-tab out of WoW so....we never do rp anymore and it kind of bums me out.

Just. Bleh.

Fuck it. Who cares.

No one reads this goddamn thing anyway.

Sick To Death

2008-07-07T07:35:42Z

I begin to hate the military.

I'm sick to death of the weird hours their people get put on.

I'm sick to death of sitting about waiting for him to come home sometime around one am my time.

sick to death of spending sometimes days at a time without being able to actually hear his voice...they seem to run him literally ragged. He's always exhausted...or the few of his friends who don't have lives [Kanka is not included in that list] are camped out in his room again and even though he's there and I can sort of hear him, he's halfway across the room talking about I don't know what.

I feel more like I'm isolated from him by three planets worth of distance rather than a few states.

It's driving me spare.

I detest it.

I detest crying.

Particularly when I'm crying myself to sleep in utter silence.

brainofcreation @ 2008-06-15T00:57:00

2008-06-15T04:58:24Z

so sometimes, an hour and a half before dawn, when you're pointedly rebelling against sleep to avoid your dreams, you have eerie moments of clarity about your life.

like the rather belated realization of exactly what it is you're supposed to learn in your last lifetime on the planet, out of the hundreds you've been here.

like that you're not supposed to be that half complete soldier that stands all alone and does everything with no support from others, always playing safe harbor for those around you.

and that you've been pretty well blind to the obvious thing that's been chasing you around in circles all your lifetimes. you end up noticing, on three hours sleep at just before dawn that you've been swimming in never ending koi fish circles with the one thing you've always needed for every lifetime you've ever lived.

and then suddenly you realize that that alone is the lesson you are meant to learn in this last lifetime of yours. that you need to finally go ahead and stop swimming circles around that one thing and not always stand alone and be half of what you could be.

go ahead and tell me I can't know that and I'll laugh in your face.

Thank God She Finally Got Some Sense In Her Head

2008-03-18T22:38:32Z

So Sarah is checking herself into rehab. It sucks that she's going away again, but I'm glad she's getting some kind of help. Hopefully it'll stick this time.

Yarp.

I got Steph hooked on Ouran High School Host Club. It's a damn good show, go watch it.

Blargh

2008-03-18T00:31:19Z

Kitty is very very bored right now. I was playing World of Warcrack but....blargh.

Kei's friends have drug him off to someplace that he cannot be on his phone at apparently....So....yea. That sucks a bit. Mostly because he's far, far away from here....

Apparently though, he got the plane ticket he was after, so I have no effin idea when I'm supposed to be going down there, but it'll be fabulous. A whole week with no NC. Werd. AND AND I will not be sleeping all alone in a bed.

In other news, Sarahs is trying to kill herself.

Let me elaborate. Sarah is a girl that I met through a friend about four years ago I guess. It was shortly before Damon moved down. Literally the day after he moved down, she got sent to a group home for 2 years. But then earlier this year, she came back. And it was awesome.

Until recently.

Sarah got back into smoking pot and promised she wouldn't move on to other things like she did last time and then last night she spits out that she and her DARLING boyfriend Drew, whom I love like my own little brother, Drew is the shit, have split up for the second time in a month because she's "messing around with crack and meth. mostly crack."

I don't know what to do with her anymore. It's ridiculous.

DREW. He is FULL OF WIN.

Someday Soon I'll Stop Dump Posting On You Guys.

2008-03-17T00:36:58Z

But that day is not today.

So yea. HOLY CRAP....

Well...I'm in the market for a job. Stryden, the company I was working for, lost their contract with Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because some of our intellegent fucking co-workers decided it would be fun to STEAL three cars.

Very nearly a month ago, my long time friend Kei came up from the Air Force Base in Mississippi to visit. We've been friends since High School and have always had a strangely tense relationship. Mostly because we both want each other quite badly and have never been able to or willing to act on it.

I was properly engaged to Jim in December. Kei and I talk constantly, over the phone, over the computer, whatevs. We just...talk. It has always made Jim jealous, even when he was fifteen. It didn't change when he was nearing twenty. APPARENTLY Everyone in the WORLD, even BLIND PEOPLE could see that the minorly awkward thing between me and Kei had turned into something major and not awkward at all....

So when he came up to visit...I got snogged on his brother's front porch. And while being quite nice, it threw my brain into overdrive. I was already beginning to question my relationship with Jim because well, honestly, all the spark had gone out of our interactions. I don't mean sex, I mean out of EVERYTHING. Even conversation. It was honestly like sleeping with my roommate instead of my fiancee.

And then Kei friggin snogs me and had I not been leaning against the house, I'd have probably fallen down. I thought they put that 'sensation' into movies and romance novels to make love seem fancier and cooler than it really is. I got proven wrong.

So...Jim has moved back to his Mum's....who says I'm a slut because HOLY LORD I've slept with two guys to her SEVEN.

And I have a six foot, three inch tall Canadian BEAR who lives 812 miles away in Mississippi and is APPARENTLY, buying me a plane ticket to come see him for a week.

RAWK.

IN OTHER NEWS:

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

Oh fun, here we go.

1. Fact: I'm strangely uptight about keeping my problems to myself. There's really only two people in the world who can weasle their way past my defenses and get at what is really bugging me.

2. Fact/Quirk: I have a dominant personality, but I like it when I can end up with someone who can either forcibly dominate me or cause me to cave for them and be of a submissive nature. YES I MEAN IN BED.

3. Quirk: I hate salad dressing. Except for Caeser Salad....wtf.

4. Fact: I am a huge bitch when you push the right buttons.

5.Fact: I like to dance like a spaz. And anyone who critiques said spaz dancing usually gets told to take a flying leap off a tall bridge.

6: Quirk: I actually really like Indian Music. Like from India. I dunno why.

7: Habit: I constantly shake my hair back from my face, both as a nervous tick and to get it the fuck out of my face. Apparently, it drives my boyfriend MAD.

I have no one to tag. WTF is that.

GRAAAAAAAAAAH!

2007-12-22T06:59:33Z

Alright. -Heavy sigh- Full story.

Shortly before Thanksgiving my great-grandfather got very sick with pneumonia. They took him to the hospital and he seemed to get better. They sent him home. He was still having alot of trouble breathing, so they took him to the doctor, who put him on oxygen in his home and all and he was still having alot of trouble breathing. So, they took him back to the hospital to see what the deal was.

When I was very little, he had lung cancer and they removed part of one lung. When they did the x-rays to see what was going on, the cancer had come back, aggressively. My 94 year old grandfather decided that it just wasn't worth it and to let him go. So he died shortly before Thanksgiving.

At the first of the month, my front driver tire on my Jeep blew out and sent me into a ditch at 45 mph. I went up over a thick concrete driveway into the other side of the ditch which was at least three and a half foot deep. At first we though the only thing wrong was that the front tire was flat. Upon close inspection, the man's concrete driveway had totaled the underside of my Reynauldo.

Well, my back bugged me a little the few days afterwards, as expected. But I went back to work anyway. Well...it kept getting worse and more painful. So finally, today, my Gram and Mum managed to talk me into going to the doctor's. We arrived at three thirty and did not get out until seven. They had to unlock the door to let us out.

They poked me and prodded me and took x-rays. I told them that over the counter medications don't do squat for me unless I take them in unhealthy and dangerous volumes [ I have to take upwards of 20 Advil to get any effect.] They said it's entirely muscle based and the shooting pain I'm expierencing in my leg is because the tight muscles are pinching the nerves. The prescribed me Skelaxin.
And told me to take it with....Advil.

Apparently, they don't prescribe painkillers for things like this, since they're expected to be temporary problems and go away quickly. On the upside, they did at least give me a list of back specialists and said, "If it's not better in a week, go see one of these people."

-sighs- My grandmother thinks I'm a pansy and I need to suck it up. My mother feels like she failed me because alot of my back problems come from the genetic trait of hypermobility. And I don't know what my boyfriend thinks.

I wish the new year would come and things would start to look up.

On the brighter side it's my mother's birthday, officially.

brainofcreation @ 2007-11-26T20:43:00

2007-11-27T01:43:40Z

Oh just...fuck it. I can't be arsed.

SMOKE ME A KIPPER, I'LL BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST!!

brainofcreation @ 2007-11-15T11:33:00

2007-11-15T16:33:54Z

i wish someone would just turn me off for a little bit and let me skip this part.

I want some Mexican foods.

2007-11-05T17:50:30Z

I do. I want money so I can have some mexican food. I miss it.

Sooo, Rashanda at work is turning 21 next Sunday. And she's invited everyone over to her house for a big shindig. She wants all of us ladies in particular to show since she's invited about 12 guys there that she's either interested in or messing around with and she wants a bunch of girls to break up any fights that start...or to shelter her from them, I don't know what the fuck...

Left early because I felt ill....eh.

I'll see if Kei is online when I get home...if he's not...I might go to the club or something. I dunno. Might not be arsed to.
Yeaup.

In other news I love Phillip to death.

Phil: I hate sluts. Yay!
Me: Me too.
Phil: Yay!
Me: I hate the innocent ones, where the whole time they're talking to you, you're going "mhmm, mmhmm, slut slut slut slut WHORE slut slut."
Phil: I don't mind the innocent act, what I hate are the ones that constantly wanna be right on top of you. It's like, "Bitch back the fuck off." Sometimes I just wanna play video games or watch a movie, I don't want sex all the time.
Me: Fuck that. I'll play video games with you.
Phil: according to google maps it'll take 28 minutes for you to get here, but I'm all for it.

Oh I love you Phil.

HARHARHAR

2007-11-05T03:43:23Z

So officially, as of today, I am back in full capacity.

My raspberry hair has returned to me. YES. YES. YES. HARHARHAR YES.

YARHARHARHAR.

I'm done now.

Yep.

brainofcreation @ 2007-11-01T12:48:00

2007-11-01T16:49:15Z

as black as the night can get
everything is safer now
there's always a way to forget
once you learn to find a way how

in the blur of serenity
where did everything get lost?
the flowers of naivete
buried in a layer of frost

the smell of sunshine
i remember sometimes

thought he had it all before they called his bluff
found out that his skin just wasn't thick enough
wanted to go back to how it was before
thought he lost everything
then he lost a whole lot more

a fool's devotion
swallowed up in empty space
the tears of regret
frozen to the side of his face

the smell of sunshine
i remember sometime

i've done all i can do
could i please come with you?
sweet smell of sunshine
i remember sometimes

brainofcreation @ 2007-10-31T14:55:00

2007-10-31T18:56:47Z

So Yea.

I went as River Tam for Halloween this year.

And some bloke turned up as Shaun at the club. And he won the costume contest when I failed last year, when I went as Shaun.
So. He got a hug.
He was nice.

And GIR was back this year too.
"I love the little tacos. I love them good."

So I was fidgeting with Photobucket and I found a contact table for Myspace that...I couldn't resist. Like AT ALL. Because I found myself staring hard and watching that hand motion over and over again and before I could stop myself, my brain went there.

"I wonder what that hand could do.... "

YOU WATCH IT, and tell me you don't think it. This does not apply to any straight men who may be reading this.

I'm in love with that image. The way his hand moves as he goes towards the collar of his shirt is fucking awesome.
WHAT THE HELL? WHY DO I LIKE HANDS SO MUCH!?!?!?

-wanders off-

WHAT THE FUCK.

2007-10-03T17:28:57Z

OH MY GOD.

Don't EVER work for Kroger. Particularly not the one in Fuquay Varina, North Carolina. They have no common courtesy, no compassion and absolutely no sense of humor or tact.

Last night I was having a fit of insomnia. Couldn't sleep. I didn't want to toss and turn in bed and keep Jim up, since he had to work an open-to-close shift today, so I went out to the couch. I set the T.V to the soundscapes music channel, which plays ambient sleepy-time music and just listened to that and read the little quips, with the intention of getting drowsy and then heading to bed. Instead, I fell asleep on the couch.

So today, my back is killing me, so is my head. I decide to call them and tell them my Jeep won't start, since they've already sent me home once for illness. Karen, the humorless ice queen that thinks she owns the front end of the store[when she doesn't, that's Barbara's turf] tells me to go knock on my neighbor's doors and try to get someone to jump start my car between when I've called and noon, when I have to go in. Fuck you lady.

I pack up the dog and drive to Gramma's, as planned. When I get there, I wait for 10:30 and call back. I tell Karen no one is home to jump me and the few people who are can't help me and that on top of that, I don't feel well. Mum is having her teeth yanked out [which actually happened the day prior] and my nearest friend lives in Kinston, which is four hours away. She transfers me to talk to Mr. Asad.

I tell him the same thing. "My Jeep won't start, there's no one to give me a jump start and my only ride is in Chapel HIll, getting her teeth taken out. Also, I feel terrible, I can't make it today." He says "Ok, let me check with the front end." Puts me on hold. Comes back tells me " We don't have anyone else working from 12 to 9 specifically, so go find someone to give you a jump or CALL A CAB. I'll See you at 12, goodbye." and HANGS UP ON ME.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Not only am I HIGHLY offended, now I'm pissed off beyond all reasoning. Never in the history of my family's life have they ever heard of someone being so tactless and compassionless as to tell a SICK PERSON with car trouble "Call a cab". ON top of that he was rude enough to hang up on me, WHILE I was trying to talk to him. Granted my Jeep is fine, but it's the damned principle of the thing.

It probably wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't already having doubts about working there. I was told off on Monday for being " Too friendly towards the customers." I'M A CASHIER. IT'S MY DAMN JOB.
That same night, I was told off a FULL WEEK later for making a joke to the night manager. Keep in mind that when I made this joke, I WAS OFF THE CLOCK.
The day I was sick and got sent home for it, I showed 20 minutes early, because I had no way to call them and let them know I had a migraine and was sick to my stomach, so I showed up in person to tell them. I didn't clock in, I immediately told them what was going on. I got reprimanded for FIVE MINUTES, not because I was sick, But because ALL THE OTHER NEW PEOPLE have been calling out and changing their schedules and missing shifts and going home early.

The whole place is a new lelvel of unprofessionalism to me and I swear to GOD if they fire me for not showing up today, I will drive to the unemploymebnt office TOMORROW and file for it, considering their essentially going to fire me for unavoidable car trouble.

DICKS.

Oh. GOD.

2007-09-16T06:49:56Z

So, I can officially say that I have seen the preformance Britney gave to the VMAs.

1. She was obviously lip-synching. FAKE.

2. It is possible for a woman to have children, multiple children, and take care of her body so that she doesn't end up with Thunder Thighs and poochy belly. IT IS.

3. Whoever thought that SPANGLY UNDERPANTS on a slightly- overweight woman was sexy, should be slapped, even if it was the woman herself. * She is by no means a WHALE, but she could do with getting in shape before she puts on a striptease/burlesque. *

4. She looked so awkward when she was dancing, and so out of her element it made me uncomfortable to watch. What...the...hell? It was like she was afraid to be up there at all.

5. I hate to say it, but she really looks zonked out on something. She was edgy and nervous and unsure of herself and it does raise the question of "is it just a rumor, or was she high out of her gourd?"

Come on BRIT. PULL IT TOGETHER. IT AIN'T THAT HARD.